


Easter Fools

by MidnightWolfy



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Blasphemy, Candy, Easter mini-Festival, Eggs, F/M, Humor, Mentions of Jesus’ death, Mostly Dialogue, When is it never not blashemy?, because Easter, but that’s a given, truth about Easter Bunny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 00:47:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14124513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightWolfy/pseuds/MidnightWolfy
Summary: Chloe and Lucifer have a conversation about Easter.





	Easter Fools

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this for the Lucifer Easter mini-Festival.   
> Un-Beta’d.

“Easter is a fools holiday it only makes sense that it lands on the day dedicated to them,” the Devil said offhandedly while munching on a chocolate bunny. 

“It doesn’t usually fall on April fools day, Lucifer,” the detective sitting on his left stated. 

“Well, it should! Immanuel was a misbegotten son of Father if you ask me! Pompous ass loved the attention.”

“Immanuel?” 

“The one you call Jesus, do keep up detective. His name was never Jesus no matter what the sheep loving bastard wanted people to believe after he decided to leave his mummies house,” Lucifer explained as he fished out a Cadbury Creme egg from the brightly colored basket at his side. 

“Would you stop eating all the candy!” The blonde said as she snatched the basket out of her partner’s hand and set it on the far side of her desk, “that’s suppose to be for Sunday.”

“You said it was mine so I get to eat my candy, honestly, it’s like you’ve never celebrated this holiday before.”

“It’s your gift from the Easter bunny so that when Trixie asks you what you got you can tell her the truth, so save it for Sunday.” 

“Easter Bunny,” Lucifer scoffed, “I’ll never understand you humans and the need to celebrate the procreation of your overpopulated species. A giant bunny bringing eggs to virgins, horrible imagery.” 

“It’s just a fun holiday where kids get to eat way too much candy,” the detective said trying to sort through the paperwork of her latest cases, “don’t over think it, Lucifer.” 

“But it’s true! The pagan imagery is even worse than Immanuel’s dramatic entrance after having a lay in for three days in a cave.” 

“So you’re saying Jesus didn’t die on the cross?” 

“Oh, he died alright,” Lucifer said while reaching around the detective’s back for the basket, “he just didn’t die for three days. His poor meat suit would have been way too zombie-esque for the high and mighty Messiah. Bloody bastard always had to look his best for his groupies.”

“Must run in the family,” Chloe said catching Lucifer’s eye with a smile.

Lucifer rolled his eyes as he tipped half of an open plastic egg over pouring the contents into his open mouth. 

“The little bastard wishes he looked at good as me.” 

Chloe fought back a giggle as she watched the Devil do a good chipmunk impression as he tried to chew with his cheeks full of jelly beans, “whatever you say, Lucifer.”

“You wound me, Detective,” Lucifer said after forcing down the copious amount of sweets in his mouth, “are you saying you’d much prefer my half-brother’s sandal and dirty dressing gown look to this?” He gestured to himself with a smirk. 

“I don’t know,” the detective said placing a finger to her chin, “he was much better with children and he has that whole water to wine thing going for him...”

“My dear detective, I can assure you I have many more tricks up my sleeve that will leave you much more satisfied than some cheap wine.” 

“He’s still good with children,” Chloe persisted. 

“I know your spawn well enough to know she would find him utterly boring! As well she should.” 

“I’m sure he would be willing to help out with the egg hunt...”

“Bloody hell, not this again! Fine, you win, I will help hide plastic eggs around your flat for the child to find. Useless tradition.”

“I promise to make it up to you.”

“A deal than, Detective?” He said interest peaked.

“Nope,” she said with a pop of the ‘p’. “You already said you would. I’ll just give you a reward of my choosing at a time of my choosing for being a good partner and making Trixie’s day memorable.” 

“I do like the sound of that!” 

“I’ll give you a taste now if you want,” The detective said slyly as she beckoned him closer.

“Oh, naughty!” Lucifer said leaning in for a kiss. 

The detective reached her hand around the Devils head and crushed a egg into his hair speeding confetti all over him. 

“Detective!”


End file.
